My Magnificence Magnified
  • Home
  • Need Support?
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Cancer Warrior
  • Tools and Resources
  • Shop

Day 2 ~ A Purpose Driven Life

2/4/2021

0 Comments

 
POINT TO PONDER:
I am not an accident

VERSE TO REMEMBER:
“I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.”
ISAIAH 44:2

QUESTION TO CONSIDER:
I know that God uniquely created me.  What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

~ ~ My Thoughts ~ ~
On a really great day I am at peace with myself  and with God precisely as I am.  On a less than great day I struggle with the fact I am not as good and as Godly as I yearn to be.  My Dad used to tell me that any day you wake up on the right side of the dirt is a good day.  I remind myself of that whenever I am struggling to survive a less that great day.  On these less great days I allow others to hurt me or circumvent my goals.  I allow myself to become distracted and lose my focus what is important to me.  I become self conscious about my weight and wish I would have found another pathway thru my PTSD rather than the pathway they increased my weight beyond my bodies ability to comfortably tolerate it after a previous back and shoulder injury years earlier.  I am at times impatient and do not like waiting for the answers to a multitude of life's questions that still linger in my brain. 

Currently I am struggling to break bad habits I have acquired, lazier tendencies I have developed, or unhealthy mindsets I have slipped into. These patterns become more noticeable when I have allowed myself to lose my focus on God and I become too stressed, busy, or filled with fear.  These repeated patterns cause me to fall back into the same black hole I have had to climb out of more times than I care to admit.  Each time I have fallen backwards into the same hole I get further removed from God.  I feel foolish asking for help on correcting these same problems repeatedly.  I am ashamed to ask for God's forgiveness again and again for thee mistakes for which I have no plausible explanation beyond I was fearful to do something I know I have successfully done in the past.  I do not feel deserving of forgiveness.  I should be sharply and harshly punished because I am such a worthless human being. 

I have asked myself repeatedly - why did I deserve to come out of PTSD so "easily" (as I have had people tell me) while others still suffer and cannot find their way out of mental illness and pain?  In my heart I know my recovery wasn't "easy".  It was a trip through the depths of hell as I fought for my life.  I believe I am healed through the grace of God.  Therefore, I feel called to help others by combining my newfound wisdom with the many gifts God has given me. I want to fulfill the divine purpose that God has written on my heart but I grow frustrated that it is not as easy as I want it to be.  I feel imperfect, incapable, undeserving, and frightened by what I feel called to do whenever I allow my imperfections or fears to take control. 

When I stay focused on God, allow him to take the lead, and I follow him closely I am more confident and productive.  I do not worry about the people who criticize me or fail to understand me.  I must stay focused on God no matter what might happen.  The frightened child in me fears the "what".  I need to find the adventuresome child in me who trusted my creator to keep me safe on the many off road adventures through the back woods and creeks I boldly and cheerfully explored in my youth.  I know that stretching my boundaries is a skill I need to master on my journey through life. 

So I guess the simple answer to the question - What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept - is simply ... I am struggling to accept the innately divine connection I've had since birth which allows me to easily "let go and let God" and trust in everything I already know.  Everything will turn out well and I really truly am enough.  Anything I think I lack will either be provided to me or it is unnecessary in my journey through life. To help me remember this I will ingrain a new mantra in my head.  Let go and let God's magnificence shine!

Picture
0 Comments

    Christine Kish

    My spiritual journey is ever evolving and expanding.  I do not profess to have all of the answers nor do I think my thoughts and opinions are the only ones of merit.  I would love to hear your comments and insights as you move through your own journey in reading this book and working towards living your own purpose driven life.

    Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you prefer, 

    Jump to Day #

    01  02  03  04  05  06  07  08  09  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40

Proudly powered by Weebly